Madrigal
by Sayloni
Summary: "Dear Koizumi, has anybody ever told you how annoying you are?" A ranting letter on Kyon's part addressed to his world's number one annoyance... slight Itsukyon.


Author's Note:

Konichiwa, everyone.

Sadly, Sayloni has not had much time on her hands to be writing or updating anything, but she wanted to publish a quikie so that the readers don't think she decided to procrastinate - or worse, commit suicide - and get upset over it.

Not that anybody's going to miss her as such...

Never mind.

This is just some rambling that she scribbled at the back of her Electronics Text Book. Really, classes can be so uneventful at times. Ah, that reminds her that she has to erase it or tear it off in case her teacher decides to sift through her pages.

And do not worry, for she'll get to writing as soon as she clears her plate of other things

Until then, Enjoy.

Warning :

This fic contains boy x boy, not explicit, but she won't advice people with no taste in this genre, or those who have probably never heard about it to go on reading. And, oh! Characters might appear a tad bit OOC, but she'll definitely try to work on them.

Disclaimer :

Sayloni doesn't own Haruhi or her eccentric SOS Brigade, or the series would have turned out even more messed up. All rights go to Tanigawa-Sensei and his amazing illustrator, Noizi Ito-sama, and a bunch of other mind-blowing people for the light novel, manga, anime, music, sound tracks, video games, figurines, other goodies and movie productions. Phew…. (-_-) quite a lot of merchandise, eh?

So now that that's cleared up, read on.

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_Dear Koizumi,_

_These days, I've started having this feeling of intense irritation, and no matter how many chilled cans of diet coke I spill on my head, the pressure cooker refuses to quiet down._

_It is starting to become a nuisance._

_Now, I have no idea of how to write a letter, because frankly, I've never written one in the entire sixteen years of my life, and the few handfuls that I did come across failed to attract me with their boring layout. Really, why letters when you have cell phones? _

_So, let me just start over without any honoraries and ask you a simple enough question._

_Dear Koizumi,_

_Anybody ever mention how annoying you are?_

_...On second thoughts, never mind._

_I'm pretty sure you're just going to grin around and say something exceedingly weird that'll make me want to drag you across the pavement until your handsome body disintegrates into mere dust. As if I don't already have enough headaches as such._

_So, anyway, since I am a good person at heart, I might as well tell you._

_Koizumi. You are Annoying. _

_Very._

_There, now you know. Wow, one burden off of my shoulders. I feel so pure._

_Why, you ask? Well, you just are._

_Hmm... Come to think of it, I've never actually told you so before, have I? I mean, I've always thought it, like the times when you give me that creepy smile, or whenever I'm forced to get along with Haruhi's crazy schemes just because you - and I quote - have no energy to fight those stupid blue things. But I've never outright said it._

_Well then, this probably _is _enlightening knowledge to your mind, huh?_

_Now, I'm not really discussing this because I'm bitchy or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Haruhi. Nor does it have anything to do with jealousy, though I think a letter from Taniguchi would have nothing but the whole lot regarding that. Yes, I'll admit you are better than me in a lot of ways – aesthetic appeal being the topmost in that – but this is more of a personal thing. And writing it out on a piece of paper will help me cope up with this extremely stupid situation. _

_Or so my sister tells me._

_Anger management issues, as she puts it. God knows what kinda crappy women's magazine she's got her hands on now._

_If you want to know why I'm taking her advice, you might as well hope the Giants win today's game._

_So, back to the point; You are annoying. _

_Again the why?_

_Lets see..._

_Now, suppose you go to someone in North High and ask them, "Hey, ya know who's Koizumi?" What do you expect to hear? Well, in any case, the answer is a straight, "Oh, you mean the guy who's always smiling like an idiot?" _

_That's what they say._

_Really. _

_Okay, so maybe they don't use the 'idiot' part. And maybe they slip in 'handsome' there somewhere._

_But that's not the point. What is, is that you're always smiling. _

_And I mean _always_._

_Literally._

_Now what's wrong in smiling, you ask? _

_Nothing, except that you are a guy, and I being a guy find it totally unsettling to have you beaming in my face all day long. Really, Koizumi. Normal people just plain don't do that._

_Not only does it aggravate me because of its constant presence, but also because it's so... unreal._

_Are you really happy that Haruhi is forcing you into a maid outfit? Are you angry that Asahina-san is avoiding any talks of the insides of her Organization? Are you hurt because I trust Nagato more than I could ever trust you?_

_Are you?_

_I have to ask, because that smile of yours lies so much._

_It doesn't matter what your real sentiments towards a decision are, what your mind says, what you feel, because you have that artificial object as an excuse for everything, right? _

_Really, don't your jaws get tired of faking it so much?_

_Don't __**you**__ get tired of faking it so much?_

_Your true personality is not appealing, you say? You'd rather smile away than confront people's accusations and complains? What are you, a girl?_

_Mysterious Transfer student... _

_Nonsense._

_Because I never know what goes on behind the scenes._

_**Does**__ anything go on behind the scenes, Koizumi? Do you go, "Ah, I don't like how things are going, but since it's Suzumiya-san, I'd better smile along"? Do you think anything, or does that hideous, illusory thing come naturally?_

_How long have you been doing it anyway?_

_Ah, I don't get it. _

_Smiling is good, hell it's the only about thing that cheers up my day, but whenever I see you doing it, that little up quirk of your lips, whenever it slithers onto your face like it had always belonged there, I feel sick to the stomach. Somehow, I have this urge to haul it off and flush it down the toilet._

_Such unreality... I can't accept it._

_If only you'd do it more sincerely._

_I do remember the few times when you'd genuinely smiled. Just the gesture brightened up your features, y'know? Like finally that fad keeping you on your toes had dissipated and left such innocence in its place. _

_Although I wish it wouldn't..._

_Well, I'm not artsy, so talking things like that is seriously out of my element. No point in discussing such things. Hey, I told you not to laugh, didn't I?_

_There, you see? That is the second reason why I find you so annoying._

_Here I am, trying to be honest and sober, and there you are, laughing like a kindergarten kid. Do you ever take anything seriously, Mr. Vice President of SOS Brigade? Does your head ever say, "Koizumi, be more serious" or something equally mature?_

_Even if you say 'Yes', I'm not going to believe you._

_Because you don't, Koizumi. You never take anything seriously. _

_You never seem to __**care**__ enough to take things seriously. _

_Time stuck in a loop, what's so serious about that? A talking cat? Put it on files and send it to the Agency. World at the verge of ending, oh well, no probs, let's make Kyon and Suzumiya-san do an Adam-Eve play._

_You know, I still haven't forgiven you for that last statement._

_But never mind._

_What I want to point out is that your seriousness is invisible. No, scratch that. It simply __**never**__ exists, like it is in some kind of inversely proportional relationship with your chronic smiles. Really, it pisses me off to think you were __**chosen**__ as Haruhi's emotional stabilizer._

_Every time we are discussing something serious and you make a grave remark, the rusted gears of my mind start spinning, actually taking the effort of trying to ponder upon the said words… but then you laugh it off with an 'I'm kiddin' air._

_That really sets my nerves searing like hot, fried noodles._

_Ah, actually, that reminds me of the time when you said something extremely noteworthy, but then back-tracked your statement and chickened out almost immediately. _

_You say Asahina-san's coyness makes me protective of her, and hence gives her an upper hand with my trust? _

_Rubbish._

_She __**gives**__ me a chance to trust her._

_But do you?_

_...I seem to have gone off-topic._

_Although I'm pretty certain your eyes will never read a scrunched up pile of papers from the waste bin, I don't think telling you I'm upset that I can't believe you because you simply never let me achieves anything._

_...Because we're discussing why you are so annoying, and surely you not allowing me to trust you shouldn't be one of the reasons. No, that shouldn't count as a reason. Not at all._

_And yet, it does._

_I find you annoying because you never let me trust you._

_No matter how much concerned you are, how helpful, no matter what you do to keep us safe, to let things revert back to diplomacy, I can't seem to trust you. I don't know why, but I just can't._

_And it bothers me to no end._

_Anyways, moving on._

_The fourth reason – or was it the fifth? - why you're so annoying is because you talk too much._

_Really, when someone says "Hi", you're not supposed to respond with how Haruhi's sudden mood swings are affecting the weather, or how many Shinjin you had to slay to get the Suzumiya-express back on track._

_Neither are you expected to 'Hiroshima-Nagasaki' them with your philosophical theories to the greater good of humankind._

_Cliché, that those are the exact things you do._

_Really, you are always talking. Day and night, hourly, every __**second**__, on and on and on… Sometimes I feel you're talking on Nagato's behalf as well. Can't you just sit quietly on your steel chair and carry on with that single-player game of chess or Othello or whatever? Every time a sense of calmness settles over me, must you go, "Oh, by the way Kyon…"?_

_Even worse, you expect me to just sit there and take it all in without a blink._

_Tell me honestly. Does that garbage come out in front of other people too, or am I some VIP?_

_...It's annoying._

_Severely._

_You talk so damn much._

_But then again, if you suddenly fell silent, I'd be annoyed too._

_No kidding, I really would._

_I don't even know why!_

_A silent Koizumi is just something I cannot stomach, I suppose. I have gotten so accustomed to your ceaseless talking, your continuous ogling, and your needless hand gestures that the days when you abstain from club activities seem like such horrible chores to me. Even Asahina-san's heavenly tea tastes bland when I'm forced to play Othello alone._

_But if someone ever happens to ask about this, I'm going to go ahead and lie._

_Another reason, now that we are on the topic, is that you seem to have no sense of personal space or human courtesy. Why do people just naturally assume that you are a gentleman?_

_Apart from your looks and that polite way of talking, I don't see the appeal at all._

_Really, your staring I can ignore. Even your hobby of squirming and waving about and consecutively making my head hurt in response can be forgiven, but the way you stick your nose into my business – and I mean literally – is quite over the top. Not only that, but you also have the nerve to make bizarre comments and then shrug them off like it was no big deal! Koizumi, you can't just point out how short I am! _

_...Which is completely untrue by the way. You are way too tall._

_I can't seem to relax when you are around. Here I am, trying to enjoy myself despite the mess the Brigade is always in, and then suddenly you lean in and make an outrageous remark._

_One of these days, I'm going to punch you in the face._

_Anyway, let's move ahead before I actually get any ideas about becoming violent with you... alright, that just sounded __**wrong**__._

_The next reason, you ask?_

_You're such a sucker for Haruhi._

_Powerful entity. I can understand. Key to evolution, I can accept. Temporal plane explosion or whatever, that can sell too. But __**God**__, Koizumi? _

_Get a life._

_No matter what your stupid Organization's views are on her existence, Haruhi is Haruhi. Unreasonable, demented, annoying (sometimes even beating you at that), but she is still just a high school girl with a maddeningly wild side._

_That is all._

_And I don't know how many times I have to say it to get it through your head, but she is not a God._

_How can someone even consider that?_

_I don't really mind you going along with her every whim, unless of course, it includes jeopardizing my sense of reputation. Or whatever is left of it, anyway. It's fine even if you ask for my help in stabilizing things, or any other equally moronic stuff that Haruhi has conjured up._

_What I don't understand is why you let her do as she pleases._

_When is she going to learn that things won't always be as she wants them to be? That she won't always get her way?_

_Koizumi, you are plainly spoiling her._

_Nothing less, nothing more._

_Sometimes, I just want to slap some sense into the both of you. Sometimes, it's as if you don't only do it because the Agency expects you to, but because you yourself can't help it. Is Haruhi that important? It's so damn annoying, I tell you. Why do you have to be so concerned over such an intolerable girl? Why do you have to care for her?_

_She's a God, right?_

_But I'm an ordinary human, Koizumi. Have you ever cared about me the same way?_

_...Damn._

_Somehow, the reasons why I find you so annoying are actually the reasons why I... ah, that too sounds like another thought that'd make me pull at my hair._

_So I guess I'll terminate it before things go out of hands again._

_More than they already are._

_Anyways, if I keep on writing about each and everything regarding you that annoys me, I'd need at least a lot of twenty-seven journals to complete my ranting. Still, I think I've covered everything that occupies the top most place in my list in these last six pages, and to tell you the truth, I don't feel anything different from when I'd started writing. _

_Wow, talk about complaining..._

_At least I know that those magazines are no help at all now._

_So is my sister._

_Anyway. Koizumi, you are still annoying though. Severely._

_Why?_

_One; you're always smiling. _

_Two; you lie._

_Three; you never take things seriously._

_Four; you never let me trust you. _

_Five; you talk too much. Way, way too much._

_Six; you have no sense of personal space or courtesy._

_Seven; all you see is Haruhi._

_And eight; you made me fall for you. _

_There I was, down to earth and with all dreams of supernatural left behind, and then you had to come strolling into my life and break that very notion._

_You had to be an Esper of all things. You had to be good-looking; you had to be annoying and intelligent at the same time. You had to be willing to be used by anyone who could care to use you. You had to be in my vicinity constantly, had to make me accustomed to seeing your stupid face every single day._

_You had to cause all this ruckus inside of me._

_There was Nagato, and Asahina-san, and Haruhi herself. May be someone else could've been sent in your place, too._

_But it had to be you._

_It had to be a stupid Esper._

_Koizumi, really, you are annoying._

_Though any other reason from this would only sound like a vague justification for the intense irritation on my part now._

_And I'm still not feeling sorted out at all._

_But you're not going to be reading this anyway. So all is well that ends well, I suppose._

_Sincerely,_

_Kyon._

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Author's Note:

Unfortunately, Sayloni doesn't have much time to spare at the end, so she'll just feel grateful and thank everyone for reading this piece. Also, if anyone found it likeable, then you're welcome to try other works by Sayloni too. And even if you don't, please do.

Also, suggestions and critics (constructive or otherwise) are welcome. PMs are also good. You can even send in requests that Sayloni will gladly work on.

Oh, do RR and boost the writer in her.

Arigatou.


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